Life Sucks Syndrome Part 2 of 5
By Brian Norris, ©2001-2008
414-899-1905, info@BrianNorris.com
Still Say That Life Sucks? More Tips for Getting Through Tough Times, Bad Attitudes and Rotten People
Why do we increasingly feel that life sucks?
1. With the endless barrage of hype and quick-fix solutions that seldom work, it's understandable why we've become increasingly suspect of people, ideas and products.
2. Factor in the ongoing stream of bad news and an economy that uses fear to drive sales. Doom and gloom is good for many businesses and religious organizations. But it can kill our ability to be positive and get out of painful ruts.
3. Some blame can also be pinned on the rude, deceitful, backstabbing, spiteful, small-minded people oblivious to the damage they do to others.
Ultimately, the blame falls on you.
When skepticism and cynicism are the only tools you have to interpret or deal with what you're going though, life become almost impossible to navigate.
And yes, skepticism and cynicism have a purpose. A healthy dose of skepticism and measured cynicism can keep bullshit at bay, protect against charlatans and challenge the status quo.
I experience skepticism too and can empathize whenever I hear some TV or radio evangelist preying (no pun intended) on the uneducated poor, or saddened or hurting, promising them God's favor, healing and forgiveness in exchange for money.
If your life sucks don't listen to these men and women. Turn off the radio and switch off the TV. Keep your money and use it to fix your own problems (like feeding and educating yourself and your family, putting distance between you and an abusive spouse or breaking the cycle of poverty). Access to God is free and immediate.
But eternal skepticism is not the answer. Unless you point the fingers of blame at yourself, you'll constantly be a prisoner to misery, bad outcomes and your life sucks disposition.
No scapegoating either. It's not your parent's fault, or your teacher's fault, or your church's fault or the media's fault or God's fault.
Take responsibility for your own condition. Consider these questions (not all of them may apply):
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Why are you really so jaded, afraid, bitter and judgmental?
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What's your excuse for not having additional tools beside skepticism, scapegoating and passive aggressive behavior to protect yourself and inform your world view?
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What have you done at an emotional and mental level to heal the wounds life can inflict when it hits you full-speed?
- At what point did you turn into the control freak, drama queen, perfectionist, abuser or consenting victim you vowed never to become?
Even if you're thinking, "I didn't do anything!" it's your fault because your just stood there, or gave up, or gave in. Your crime is your inaction. You've let other people or specific events take away your passion, your dreams and your feelings of self-worth.
It's your fault because you want to believe that someone else will make your situation better. FEMA won't save you. Or the government. Or the church. Or your kids, parents, friends and partners.
Even the universe insists you take the effort to improve your condition. The hardest steps are the ones you have to take when you've been beaten down.
Most of all, it's your fault because you have a problem learning from the past.
Instead, of growing and improving your condition, you keep going back to the same patterns, same thoughts and same actions that put you into your life sucks box.
Perhaps, you keep praying that everyone around you will change. Or you expect a different result after the 15th time you went back to a bad job or unworthy partner. Those are unrealistic prayers and expectations.
Instead, you should ask for the courage to help yourself, the maturity to forgive and for the durability to survive life's land mines. For a deeper explanation of how to get what you want click here.
Expect Resistance
When you try to share your passion and positivity with others, or to reclaim your joy, you'll get some resistance. You'll even get people who dismiss what you have to say as "crap" or "pathetic."
Often, you'll find people who publicly pay lip service to the popular positive attitude mantras to your face, only to resort to the negative talk and actions that they are comfortable with.
Remember this. Our words, actions and beliefs are often just reflections of who we see ourselves as individuals. So when you see everyone else or everything you read as "crap" then what you're really seeing is the reality of who you currently are as individual.
Although it doesn't have to be that way, no one can change you. Nothing can help you, until you're willing to change. Until then, you'll always be imprisoned in your own private hell created by your negative attitude and belief system.
Some will even dismiss my comments as malarkey. Again, those individuals have self-esteem issues or a negative history that infects their world view.
They either don't like themselves, or worse they don't respect themselves. They live with the proverbial stick up their butt and don't even know it.
I created the Stick Assessment in 2004 as a way to measure how long a person's "stick" actually is. It contains 40 statements that measure many of the attitudes and belief systems we've addressed together in this article.
Ironically, the people with the longest sticks are the one's with the severest cases of Life Sucks Syndrome.
For example, those with the longest sticks often only feel validated by insulting others or creating villains or oppressors.
Some of these people still believe the secret to happiness and joy depends on external aspects of life—other products and other people. Or that the world would be so much better "if everyone else were just like them."
Until you decide to change how you deal with circumstances in a positive way, you'll continue to remain in your life sucks prison. No one can love you or make you happy until you decide to love yourself.
One of the greatest sins is when someone insists on pulling others into their negative existence. Misery loves company. But company loves authentic passion and positivity.
People react out of fear, from a lack of knowledge or rom a sense of entitlement. If you lash out at others who choose to be positive or others who refuse to accept your dark definition of reality, you're showcasing your weakness and smallness.
Chances are, you used Google or Yahoo, looking for answers (or perhaps confirmation that life really does suck). If you're convinced that life sucks, part of you remains unsatisfied with the answers you've read or listened to.
The reason for your dissatisfaction? The answers all require you to take personal responsibility.
It's hardly drivel or unrealistic to expect people to be responsible to themselves rather than pointing fingers at others. Instead of being accountable, you choose to be the victim.
You insist on living a lie that says the world is against you. You want to believe that you weren't meant to experience love, joy, good health and serenity.
These are poisons of your own creation; poisons that should be flushed down a toilet instead of swallowed or given to others.
Positively Passionate or Negatively Apathetic? It's your choice. And you deserve whichever your choose.
Life is not about seeking the supernatural but rather seeing every natural moment as a miracle. It's includes realizing that the only true form of motivation is the type that comes from within.
Failing (and our ability to deal with that failure) is an important component to finding true success.
Life is whatever we see it as.
We have NO control over what happens to us. We only have control over HOW we respond to it. That truth perhaps, is the greatest miracle of all; human beings have the capacity to learn from every challenge (both positive and negative) that we experience.
My faith, attitude and perception of reality are shaped by lessons learned from my own life experiences:
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Being taunted by the other kids for being "too" tall and different
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Dad's constant discipline (physical and psychological)
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Hearing Dad say that he loved me and knowing that he actually meant it
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Undergoing 13 hours of major spine surgery at the age of 12, and being in a hospital for 32 days because of the unexpected complications
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Being healed through the power of prayer
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Learning to accept who I was and to embrace my uniqueness.
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Leaving home at 18
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Connecting with the "girl next door" and ultimately sharing 14 years together
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Starting my own business
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8 years of traveling across the United States and Canada, helping other people and organizations though my one-on-one sessions, on-site workshops and public conferences
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Doing what I love 24 hours a day, 7 days a week; training, consulting, coaching and writing
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Learning how to keep a relationship emotionally, romantically and financially strong (despite a 15 year age difference) and seeing it continue for 15 years before we went our separate ways.
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Managing to provide for my family even when the clients were too few and the income was too low
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Being able to smile and stay positive knowing that every obstacle is an opportunity for growth
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Learning from Mom that even when we are in pain, that we can be a beacon of hope for those around us.
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Accomplishing and experiencing what I have while others are still trying to figure out what they want to be "when then grow up"
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Looking forward to (almost) anything that life throws in my direction.
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Discovering that no matter how weird my family seems, that we love each other and will always be there for each other no matter what
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The social movement I've founded to help others to be positively passionate in every area of their lives
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Taking the courage to leave "the girl next door" and the life we shared after so many years (and being able to remain friends rather than living with anger or resentment towards each other)
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The lessons our breakup illuminated: 1) People change. 2) Harsh words leave scars and constant assaults only lead to emotional distance and apathy. 3) Be true to who you are -- because sooner or later, a half-hearted life hurts everyone around you.
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The non judging support of my family
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The feeling of joy that being free to connect with new people and go to new places initially brings
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The realization after four months that being single and free (at least in my experience) is overrated.
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My new relationship coaching business that gives singles and couples the tools to create lasting connections! It's something I've wanted to do and finally decided to offer.
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Meeting Lorraine on December 31st, 2006!
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Proposing to her three weeks afterwards (she said yes!) and getting engaged
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Leaving the 180-day-a-year speaking circuit after 8 years and pursuing new dreams and occupations
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Moving to Chicago with Lorraine and getting our first studio apartment together (it's tiny but it's home)
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Falling more deeply in love with Lorraine each and every day and planning our future together
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The new joy and expectation of being able to connect with new people and go to new places with Lorraine at my side and being able to be authentic.
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Working with the great people at Keane and Landauer
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My first Chicago winter (this is cold!!!!)
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My first White Christmas in Kingston Ontario (and first Boxing Day)
- Marrying Lorraine on December 31st, 2007 and looking forward to spending the next 53 years together (you'll have to call me to know the story behind that one)!
You've had moments that have made you weaker or stronger, haven't you?
I've shared some of my ups and downs and up. Here's an actual email I received from a woman inflicted with Life Sucks Syndrome:
"I got divorce papers, when my dad was dying then dad died, lost my job was laid off do to budget cuts, am lonely all I have is my dog am pretty but it just sucks being alone am afraid, so you tell me what is so great about life, if you can help me then show me the light please."
This is not as extreme as it may seem. Through the years, others in similar situations have emailed me their condition. Each message illustrates that each of has our share of challenges, and that it could always be worse.
Here is my response to this particular Life Sucks email. I hope you find the suggestions helpful too:
"Dear X,
The way I see it, you've been given a lot of fresh starts.
First, you have a chance to seek out a new soul mate who fits better. What lessons have you learned from the past marriage that will make you a better wife, lover and best friend? What qualities do you now see as important for another to have before you give them your heart?
Second, no one dies. Your dad is now able to be with you wherever you go, unchained from the limitations of the human body. He loves you and will do everything he can to protect you. Be open to feeling his presence. The heart can see what the eyes can not.
Third, you may not have a job, but you do have skills. You have a chance to look for a job that pays better and that provides more personal meaning.Have you updated your resume? Are you talking to people who can connect you to that next position? Is this a chance to update or learn a new set of skills so you can do what you've always wanted to do?
Fourth, you have a dog -- that's God spelled backwards. And because you have a dog, you know what it's like to be loved unconditionally and to have someone who will always listen. You deserve those things in your life.
Fifth, you say you have the looks. But you have to let that beauty be on the inside AND the outside. You need to let go of the fear, and love yourself even when no one else is around.There are so many pleasures to not having to be there for someone or work according to someone else's schedule. You're not alone forever.
At the moment, you've been given a vacation, some valuable time to reconnect with your own passions and thoughts. Have you considered writing down your thoughts to express your emotions?
If you're still feeling lonely, get dressed, put on your dancing shoes and treat yourself to a night on the town. Go to a movie. Visit the bookstore. Enjoy a coffee.Celebrate any way that lifts your spirit (just don't do anything you'd regret doing or wouldn't do when you're sober). In your current state, turn off all the country music (or any sad songs)-- they're too depressing!
Get comfortable with yourself and be open to the reality that when it's time to enter into a new relationship, the right person will appear at the right moment. Don't sweat it. And don't use your past misery to persecute whoever else wants to be with you.
But you have to look at the positive (even when it hard to see or barely there) since people avoid the negative, always gloomy or depressed person.You have life. You can breathe. You can think for yourself. You have options. You have so many blessings that others will never be able to taste or experience.
Take care,
Brian Norris"
No one is unique or alone when it comes to sadness, loss, feeling alone, rage, or pain. It's part of being human. Experiencing the full range of human emotions allows to us to empathize and to connect with each other.
No one is robbed of freewill either. Every action we take has at least two options:
- one that leads to happiness, passion and positivity
- and the other that leads to sadness, dread and negativity.
I choose the first option.
Consequently I will not allow Life to Suck me dry. I will look at every moment as a chance to learn, to experience something new, to be joyful and bring joy to those around me.
My perspective and attitude works for the people I care about. It works for me too. And unlike some, I don't need someone else's permission to be happy and successful. I'm just happy to wake up each day able to breathe. I'm happy that I can give love and be loved.
Everything else is trivial.
If your views and belief system makes sense to you, that's fine too. There is infinite room in the universe to contain multiple points of view.
If after considering all you've read you still choose to believe that life sucks, then at least you took a stand on something. That, in a warped way, is progress.
Mediocrity suits you
In choosing to wallow in your own misery, you're just responding like many people who remain plugged into the constant flow of negative news and violent images.
Many people are addicted to misery, anxiety, fear (blame it on your Amygdala). You are addicted to the stability that misery and pessimism brings you.
Perhaps you love the rationalizations you can make thanks to your perpetual misery. Your violin is set to auto play.
If you choose to believe that this misery and depression is all there is to life, you're standing in a long line of mediocrity.
You've justified your perspective and bought into society's idea of how you ought to live or feel. You've written your game plan and in the process, extinguished the flames of possibility.
Miserable people, events, music, and circumstances got to you, and now you're just like them. You've rejected your highest potential and chosen to be average.
Remember what we said earlier, misery loves company.
Try this. Spend one day pretending to be happy and passionate. Observe how fast the miserable people in your life try to strip you of the joy you seem to have with their word and actions!
They want you to be miserable like them all the time. They need affirmation that it's everyone else's fault and that they are being unfairly persecuted because they're different. Anything else challenges the reality they've created for themselves!
Ultimately, maybe we're just operating from different playbooks.
If you want life to stop sucking, you have to choose something outside of the pre-fabricated templates you've accepted as doctrine for so long.
Don't be afraid of standing out or demonstrating what a life free from Life Suck Syndrome looks and feels like.
Embrace the possibilities that come with a life without limits. Connect with every person you meet by modeling passion and positivity. Thrive on passion and on your right to choose joy.
As a leading motivation and positivity expert, Brian Norris shows individuals and organizations practical, real-world strategies that create positive, productive environments. He is available for training, keynotes and coaching. Brian may be reached by calling 414-899-1905 or emailing info@briannorris.com .
Continue to “Life Sucks” Syndrome Part 3
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