Life Sucks Syndrome Part 4 of 5
By Brian Norris, ©2008
414-899-1905, info@BrianNorris.com

( Part 1) - (Part 2) - (Part 3) - (Part 5)

I get emails weekly from people across the world. Here are a few more letters, and my responses. I hope you find them valuable in your own efforts to battle Life Sucks Syndrome.

As you read these, set some positive goals for yourself and give yourself permission to move on from the sadness, anger, jealousy, regret, frustration or other emotions and thoughts you're feeling.

Replace those feelings and thoughts with optimism, idealism, and the realization that your life is supposed to be filled with happiness and fulfillment too.

The Universe gives us those things we expect most for ourselves. Expect greatness and move forward knowing that even if you get bumped, smacked down or scarred by events or people, that you are getting closer to your joy. Life can sting us when we least expect it. THOUGH THE STINGS HURTS, it seldom kills us. It takes works though, don't be lazy in reaching the outcomes you dream of and making the necessary changes to actualize them.

Letter #1

Little N wrote:

"i don't know why i am writing u this but i guess i have reached my rock bottom. i been depressed for a very long time, nothing helps and i am giving up on life all together, i guess i just want to let this out on the open because no one else seems to help, listen or care. i am not impling that u might care but thanks for reading, i hope u have helped a lot of people but perhaps i am not one of them :(
little n"

My response...

Little N,

I do care. I want you to be happy and to realize that although you may have hit rock bottom, life can be beautiful and amazing. There's so much to be thankful for. Your education, your ability to feel, the strength you've shown so far.

I get depressed too, but refuse to stay in that space for too long. We can not afford to feel sorry for ourselves. Part of life involves recognizing that pain, be it physical or emotional is a real part of this experience. Pain tells us that someone is hurt or broken. Instead of numbing our pain all the time learn to diagnose what’s causing it. Treat the cause.

Find someone you can trust just to talk to. In the meantime, list the little things that in the past have brought you joy. List five goals worth fighting for. Work on doing something every day. Whatever pain you're feeling now is temporary compared to the life ahead.

Love yourself by working on yourself. Be as nice to the people around as possible, even if feels forced. Smile. Find little things to make you laugh. Don't hurt yourself or anyone else around you. Use any anger you feel to write a journal, get a job or work on some special projects. Treat yourself to a haircut, some new clothes, a nice meal.

As I said in the articles, suck life before life sucks you.

Positively Passionate,
Brian

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Letter #2

AV wrote:

Dear Brian,

I am in a state of despair. I am a 21 year old woman, who feels as though anything positive has slipped through her. I feel very depressed, alone, unsure of herself. I do not know why I feel this way; perhaps I should see a therapist. Words that come to mind to describe my life thus far are: unwanted (mostly by my divorced parents-and men), anxious, ugly (although many say I am not), angry (at the war and Bush), and hopeless--worst of all. I feel as though I have no purpose, and there is no way to escape...except for my dream of beauty and riches.

I feel as though the only way for HAPPINESS is to be rich and get "fixed" w plastic surgery. Can you prescribe anything for me (drastic or not) to feel better, or best? I exercise, eat right (most of the time), go to college.

THANK YOU, AV

My response...

Dear A,

Maybe you should see a therapist or get a coach.

The bottom line is that you have to learn to like yourself. You're with you 24/7 and that's not going to change. Get drunk or do drugs -- you'll still be with you (and have to deal with the consequences). Have plastic surgery -- you'll still be buried underneath.

If you can't like yourself, few people will have the strength or patience to like you or put up with your sadness. Positive, confident, self-assured people are attractive. Please don't blame your past to justify your present or future. You have complete say in how you respond to this moment.

Stop making excuses! About 50% of us (me included) have divorced parents. You're an adult now. Learn from them what not to do and how not to conduct a relationship.

My prescription? Start hanging out in places alone and get used to the joy of having the freedom to do want you want on your terms, without the approval or judgment of others. Have coffee by yourself. Read a book by yourself. Go to a concert by yourself. Go shopping by yourself. Dance with yourself. Sing with yourself. Smile with yourself.

I know it's hard, but you have to accept that there are certain things you have no control over. The war is not your doing. Bush doesn't know you personally or care whether you like him or not. Get involved with a candidate who you feel has an agenda and a meaningful alternative to current policies and practices.

As far as riches are concerned, everyone has wealth at different levels. Money is not the answer -- It's not the ultimate wealth. Money helps and beauty is cool, but both come and go fairly quickly. It all comes back to how you see yourself and how you choose to treat others.

Practice smiling, saying hello and being a friend to others. Remember that a single smile or kind word can change another person's life forever. Find an occupation that brings you personal joy and a steady income. Love yourself unconditionally and don't let anyone or anything or any event steal your joy.

Good luck and keep in touch, A.

Positively Passionate,
Brian

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Letter #3

NL wrote:

Dear Brian,

I read your article on Life sucks. Things have been pretty difficult for me lately. I'm not the type of person to email anyone about my situation unless I really need some words of encouragement in this area.
 
 I did get a bit encouraged with your aspect in life.  Although, I know that life can get better. It just seems to delay.
 
 Anyway, since I was a teenager I always enjoyed modeling, art, singing and dancing. These are the most I always wanted to do, but my Mom never allowed me to act upon the desire of my heart because of fear.

Now, I am experiencing fear of the future and what is going to happen next. I know that the confession of our mouth and our prayers will determine our future. I seem very unhappy about my life.

1. Wanting all my dreams to come true and meeting the right people to help me along the way.

2. My brothers are not supportive at all, they tend to put me down for my faith in Jesus Christ and for my believes.

3. I took care of my Mom for ten months before she went to be with the Lord. Three months later, I found myself moving from place to place. People are not patient enough to help you get your life back on track. Especially when you have children. Right now I'm living with my cousin in ***, expecting to find the right place to live permanently.

4. I just feel that nobody cares about me. Nobody respects my decision in what I want out of life.

5. I'm deciding to move back to F*** and see if I can start a new life there.

I need direction in life and some words of encouragement. I thank you for your words of encouragement and support.

Sincerely,
N

My response...

Dear N,

I applaud your perseverance. Use your faith to guide you in moments of uncertainty. I know it’s hard, but you're going to be alone quite a bit, but you have to take it day by day, and not expect people to understand or appreciate your situation or your faith.

The only way-- in my experience -- to get others to see the value in your personal faith is to model your beliefs through your words and actions every day.

Are you a beacon of love, patience, kindness and passion? Are you helping others without expecting them to return your favors? Are you refraining from judging others in different lifestyles, with different beliefs and in different situations than you?

Let your fear motivate you. If you have nothing to lose then you have zero reason to fear. If you fall, get up. At this point, NO is not an option. If you get angry or frustrated, exercise it away. Put yourself into your work. Don’t take that anger out on anyone, that includes yourself.

Consider moving somewhere with a low cost of living too. Can you share the cost of living with a potential roommate? What are you doing to update your skills. Do anything (legal) that for the moment, pays the bills. With the experience you gained caring for your Mother, you can work as a companion for others in similar positions. Don't let pride keep you from being resourceful.

Here's a link to more articles that might be helpful:

http://www.briannorris.com/positivityzone.html

I wish you well,
Brian

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Letter #4

R wrote

Hi Brian, I read your article on "Life Sucks" which I found on the Internet. You were right, I was surfing the Internet looking for a reason why my life sucks.

Let me explain. I have always been a "single" guy. Only child, only child in the neighborhood, only child in my Sunday school class etc. By growing up alone and not having a lot of outside communication, my social skills are not the best in the world. I've always been lonely and not able to get dates. I work hard on my appearance but I don't have a lot to work with. You know the old saying "you can't make chicken salad out of chicken sh _ t"

6 years ago I started seeing a girl I had known for approx 3 years at the time (9 yrs total). She came on to me so I didn't have to make the first move and we started seeing each other. We fell in love and for the past 6 yrs have been together. I was for the first time in my life happy. I've had dates and relationships but none of them were ever meaningful. 

In Oct of 2006 she came to me and said she didn't love me anymore and good by. I have no idea why. My world came to a stop. The only woman I have ever really loved has walked out on me. Now I'm back where I was 6 yrs ago only more miserable than I was before.

Since my social skills have always sucked and I seem to have a flashing neon sign attached to my forehead which constantly flashes "RUN" to anyone I try to talk to, I have always buried myself in my work since I knew there was no hope in romance. I have always had a full time job, and worked anywhere from 2 to 4 part time jobs daily. So for the past 30 years my days have begun at approx 6:00am and end approx midnight. I have always run away to try to forget the things I want to be able to do but cannot.

Over the years I managed to accumulate a sizable amount of money by working so much. My goal was to have 1 million in savings by the time I got 55. When I was 46 my net worth was approx 350k and was on course for my goal. The stock market crash of 2001 took approx 250k of that. I continued to work hard and long.

My best friend and I set up a construction company He was already in the business so he and I had an agreement I would provide the money and he would provide the labor and management. We had a couple spec houses on the market and my partner got into financial trouble from some projects he was working on by himself through his company.

Long story short, he sold and embezzled the money I had invested in our 2 spec houses. I had approx 250k invested in the houses and of that 90k was borrowed money in my name. Don't say to sue him. He doesn't have anything for me to get if I did win the case and I don't have the money to hire a lawyer.

So now my girl has left me (and found someone new), my partner has fu_ _ed my out of 250k and I'm in debt for 90k that I don't know how I'll find it. I can't continue to work the hours I have worked for the past 30 yrs as my body just will not take the stress any longer. As far as my girlfriend, I know I'll never find anyone I can love more than I did her. So she has won life's battle. She has someone new and now she can sit and laugh that I couldn't do any better than her nor can I get anyone (she's right) . She has won the life lottery and I have lost. I know you are thinking that I would feel better if I met someone new. You are correct but so would the people in hell feel better if they could get a glass of water. Bottom line....it ain't going to happen.

Within the past 2 months I've been turned down probably 10 times when I ask girls out. (nothing new and it gets old making a fool of myself) I sit here with no ideas of how to make any additional money. I am not real smart and have only known how to make money with my hands and not my head. Now that I am older, again, I just cant do the hours I did before.

It has come down to I have to accept the facts; I have no one to share my life with, I'll never have anyone, (I've learned how things in my life work in the past 52 years) I have no money and am in debt which I can't cover. I look at life as being broken into 5 areas which make us look forward to another day, 1, physical, 2, mental, 3 emotional, 4 financial and 5, spiritual. 2, 3 & 4 have been stolen from me, I've given up on 5 and I wish #1 would just go away on its own and I would be free from all my problems. Shows just how much of a loser I am that I can't even die to solve my problems. Don't tell me I still have life...that's the problem.

I probably didn't make a lot of sense but thanks for listening. Be well....R.

My response…

WOW! That's a hell of a story. I'm really sorry. You were smart enough to make a very complex tragedy understandable. Have you considered things like being a Big Brother or working with the elderly? Something where you'll be able to divert your energies into something positive.

I know it's hard to accept, but there will be other women in your life -- enjoy this period to love yourself. When it comes to rejection, every no is one step closer to yes. The money situation sucks too -- again since early retirement probably isn't going to happen, is there at least a profession that you'd enjoy doing even into your golden years? How are your writing skills? How about a book called "And You Think Your Life Sucks?" I know it's cliché but you still have it better than other people (intelligence, technology, experience, life, another 50 years to become what you're supposed to be when you grow up.)

Thanks for writing, R. Making small choices is often better than standing still.

All the Best,
Brian

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Letter #5

TP wrote:

Let me tell you some things about life sucking……………………………. For one thing; you know NOTHING of: I was born in Kentucky in the 60’s and my dad took my mom to Florida and eventually Left her ass there; with the old school rules, and I was, with my bro and sis, made ward of the STATE of Florida. My Grandmother adopted me for awhile until the COMMONWEALTH OF KENTUCKY stepped in and then my dad took me ; as convenient for him, and then the COMMONWEALTH TOOK ME again and, therefore, was institutionalized for the rest of my years until I was 18. NOW; I had to go through life being tagged as a LOSER. BEAT THAT for life SUCKING. I’ll bet you can’t…………………………My life is FUCKED at the age of 42. I could write a Biography of my life and maybe make $30.00 bucks with the people interested in some-ones ultimate downfall.

My response…

You've had some rough turns.

All I can recommend: Don't be a victim -- if you've decided to be a loser, then you're right. Losers accept the negative tags others give them. No one can convince you otherwise. If you're not going to do anything to improve your situation, then shut your mouth and feel sorry for yourself in silence.

Stop crying and decide to move on with your life. It can only get better.

Positively,
Brian

TP also wrote:

OHH, just reading some of your bio and I’m SCORPIO too / NOVEMBER 21, 1964 The last day: Always the last in everything………………….Year of the DRAGON though; whatever that accounts for…………………………….

My response…

Best of both worlds - I'm November 21st as well. We have two signs, Scorpio and Sagittarius to draw from. We are meant to be leaders amongst mortals, trail blazers, people who can change the world with our ideas and actions. Master lovers too. What are you waiting for?

Positively,
Brian

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