Daily Thoughts & Ideas for the Weary Optimist by Brian Norris
Preface - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12
How to Pray, What to Say When You Pray & Why Prayer Matters
If you struggle to find the “right” prayer to say for a person in need or going through difficult times, or victims of a tragedy take heart in knowing that the power of prayer isn't in the specific words of the prayer itself.
The actual words of a prayer are for OUR benefit, not God's. I like to believe that God senses the intent/purpose behind our thoughts, images and words regardless of the dialect or originator of the prayer delivered.
Hopefully, "It's the thought that counts" and some unseen energy takes the expectations of our thoughts and prayers, processes them and makes them useful to the people we've sent them to.
A prayer spoken a loud and shared by groups of people has a drug-like effect. It provides a sense of shared purpose and validation, at least temporarily.
Even when said in solitude, the words of a prayer coerce the right brain (emotion) and the left brain (logic) to declare a cease fire against each other and work hand in hand long enough to make some sense of the chaos around you.
Specifically, prayer works in part because it helps our fellow humans make sense of loss. The words might vary. But they draw from a timeless, often repeated narrative that includes:
“This too shall pass.”
“What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.”
“If we can learn from this tragedy, we can become better people.”
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“God loves you and so do we. Just don't do it (whatever you did to get yourself into this quandary) again.”
“It could be worse. It could've killed you, or even worse, it could've happened to us instead of them.”
“They're in a better place now and maybe we'll see them someday.”
“I have my own stuff to deal with right now so all I can offer you at the moment are words.”
“God and his angels can do way more than I can, so let's ask them to get involved.”
Beyond the words, just knowing that someone is praying for you helps for several reasons.
First, the recipient(s) of prayer benefit immediately upon being TOLD they are being prayed for. Personally, I take comfort in feeling/knowing that at least in principle, I'm not completely alone in my struggle to deal with the destruction.
Whether I may have caused the chaos via bad decisions or the chaos resulted from an unexpected disease, political revolution or natural disaster, the idea that someone is specifically sending me “good thoughts” or asking God and the angels to get involved helps to mitigate the paralyzing sense of despair.
If it helps me to move forward, then I only see a benefit, be it a placebo effect or a real phenomenon.
Another very real argument in favor of prayer is in its benefits to the person or people praying. Namely, it gives the person praying on behalf of another the feeling of absolution. They may not be able to provide financial support, or go to the people in need and physically help out, but they can pray!
Prayer can make us less selfish. When we pray that someone else will receive healing, escape depression, find the strength to rise from the ashes, make wiser decisions in the immediate future or be absolved of their sins, we escape our own prison of powerlessness.
The power of prayer originates in the formal act of thinking about someone other than yourself and redirecting your energies away from your own bubble of existence and focusing towards another plight.
The most logical prayer is one that the person/people you are praying for gets through the crisis emotionally, mentally and spiritually. In those times where wishing someone who has a terminal illness to “get well soon” smacks of absurdity you may want to send them prayers that:
praise their courage
celebrate the life they've lived so far
encourage them to stay hopeful but not be fearful of what comes next
asks for patience with one another when emotions boil to the surface
thanks them for the lessons they may have taught you
invites honesty and welcomes truth
affirms that they have a shoulder to rest their head on, or a ear to listen or a hand to hold is always available
asks that the time shared together is filled with love, hope and forgiveness
asks that the lawyers, doctors and decision makers consider all the options
reminds they're among friends who will always be with them
find reasons to laugh, find levity and smile
help them to know they can talk about whatever they want to
reaffirms that you'll just listen without trying to fix it or analyze it
since the time might be short let's talk about the things that matter
silence is alright too
makes saying goodbye a minor formality
our love for each other lasts forever
although a miracle would be nice our remaining together time matters most
None of these prayer requests put God (or people of faith) into a quandary of withholding a miracle that wasn't scheduled. Prayers assembled from a handful of these aspirations celebrate the humanity, accomplishment and dignity of a person going through their difficult times. It empowers them to be hopeful yet realistic.
These types of prayer don't overpromise anything. Rather they set fair expectations and help the prayer giver and the prayer receiver by focusing on what we can do for one another in lieu of demanding a heavenly miracle (especially if the angels have a different agenda in mind).
Finally, remember that a prayer and a curse are essentially the same. It's the intent that makes the prayer helpful and the curse potentially harmful. So we have to monitor our thoughts constantly, as we are always praying!
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Side note: Recently I've been wondering if God is forced to take a neutral position in the affairs of humanity. Cosmically speaking, I wonder if it's kind of an all or nothing deal.... Either God (originator of unconditional love and good) has to save everyone or God can't specifically save anyone.
God might just have to let chaos and nature do their thing since singling out 1, 10, 100 or 100,000 people to survive a catastrophe would smack of favoritism or convey that God offers various degrees of love to different quadrants of humanity.
Maybe that is where angels fit into the equation. Maybe they can intervene in ways that God chooses not to.
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Find Brian's "Thoughts of the Day" helpful? Have questions? Take this moment to email info@briannorris.com and let him know!
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